Week 8 Mary Kate Coaching Me

I began our conversation as I reflected on my presencing activity. I sat on my back porch upon the weathered deck and took a deep breath. It was very very difficult for me to push aside all my thoughts that crowd my ever racing mind. I sat Indian style on the hard wood and closed my eyes. I focused on sensing. So, I focused on my five senses. I saw the light creeping behind my eyelids, not allowing me to force the sun from invading my serenity. I heard the birds as they began to migrate back to the northern hemisphere, the turn of a car into a driveway, a dog bark in the distance, and the wind whistle softly past my ear. I felt the sun warm my face and the wind tickle my skin reminding me that it was still winter. I tasted the remnants of my afternoon snack upon my tongue. I touched nature and the outdoors, the essence of life and the world I lived in. I told Mary Kate about this spiritual connection with the world. It truly helped to center me in that I am NOT the center of the world.



I saw myself as small. Once this thought entered my mind, I could not let go of it. I felt unimportant and inconsequential. In retrospect, I realize that I am important and a piece of the puzzle of life, but then I could not grasp that concept. I am part of a community of people working together to live happy lives. It is my chosen contribution to society to teach valuable life skills to the youths so that they may take their place in the cooperative ecoclimate of the human race. I have also chosen to perpetuate our culture through procreation and mate selection. I wish to have a family, be a community member, and do my best towards actively contributing to the social efficiency of the world.



For part two, I had a conversation with my brother. I asked a lot of questions and remained silent while I tried to truly listen to what he was saying. I attempted to define what his highest future possibility was and how I could assist him in becoming that individual. I tried... I really did... and I was successful at time but all too often when attempting dialogue with him I am sucked into downloading and regress to phase one. I adopt politeness, do not say what I mean, act and think based upon past precedence, and make judgements. The best part about this course and this exploration into self as a whole is recognizing these thought processes as they occur. My coach is always so supportive and admiring of my admitting to my lack of forward movement. As I have previously stated, I am not yet ready to progress to the upper levels of conversation and dialogue but I do have goals and knowledge. These are invaluable tools as I continue to explore myself.

Week 6 Mary Kate Coaching Me

Having just entered my mid-twenties, I believe that I have a pretty good sense of who I am. My personality and how I interact with people is fairly defined. I base a lot of my actions on past experiences and operate mostly within fields I and II. I attempted emphatically listen and practice suspension in several instances this week but I am again unable to fully master this skill. I shared my frustration with Mary Kate and admitted that I understand the concept and hope to reach it at some point in the future.

The biggest hurtle for me to jump is the concept of letting go of judgements. The fact is that we are taught to judge at a very young age. Upon doing a particularly naught task we are promptly informed, "Only bad little girls do that." Thus, an action lends a specific judgement. It is incredibly hard to reprogram a lifetime's worth of making judgements and having them made about you.

Unfortunately, I still need to experience some personal growth before I am able to fully embrace the concepts of these upper level fields. I am taking this course as a learning experience. I am trying to open up to recognize these places that I can perhaps reach in the future.

Week 6 Coaching Faheem

Faheem and I explored the art of marital conversation. His experience enacting suspenssion met with mixed reviews as we reflected on the results. He was having a conversation with his wife and made every effort to open himself up to her stnace on the subject (about their children) truly listening to what she had to say. In doing this, Faheem suppressed what he was feeling and did not say what he meant. We realized that in a sense he was coddling his wife, telling her what she wanted to hear and abandoning his true self in his shallow encouragement for her to continue with her talk. I challenged him to define the difference between suspension and politeness. Was he digressing into field 1? He believes that he was. The positives of suspension, we determined, are more fitted to the boardroom. In a marriage it is so difficult to have a dialogue with your spouse as you can not abandon your deep seeded emotions. He truly tried to see his wife's way of thinking but was driven into silence through the desire to avoid conflict.

Faheem has an amazing sense of who he is and how to engage in productive conversation. He is truly inspirational when it comes to his sense of self. He has connected with and understands the person that he is today and desires so much to reconnect with his wife as they struggle to redefine their marriage. I look forward to our next conversation as they continue their life journey.