Faheem drew upon his vast experience in humanistic therapy as we discussed Kantor's four fields. He is going to focus on being a bystander, honing his listening and observational techniques. Faheem's marital relationship is a constant place for his own dialogue growth. He seeks to open the lines of communication with his wife and they re-learn about the other. He is not uncomfortable listening but just needs to develop this skill further.
For conversation two, Faheem has been talking with a coffee shop acquaintance about starting a world cafe. He articulated the four fields of conversation and they are currently developing and discussing questions. He is now challenged as the expert and feels compelled to fully understand the concepts to act as a coach to this gentleman and others.
The third uncomfortable conversation relates to the first as Faheem attempts to reconnect the relationship with his wife. The role change has been difficult and he sees this as an opportunity to begin again. He concerned about her dependency on him and seeks to guide her towards independence. This is in direct contrast to the social climate of their country and Faheem must gently ease her into conversations without falling into the trap of politeness. He sees this as a challenge but has clear goals and means by which to attain them.
As Faheem and I deepended our relationship, I was more apt to chime in with questions and comments. It was wonderful conversing with him and getting a different insight upon the practical applications of the learning models. I realized through our exchange that I must let go of my own insecurities with the material. I simply may not be ready to progress through downloading to seeing at this point in my maturity and experience. However, I will have a working knowledge of the conceptual future goals for my own development.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Week 3 Coaching Faheem
It is lovely getting to know Faheem this week. He has been so open and honest with his postings that we fell in to an easy flow of conversation.
As he reflected upon his past educational experiences, Faheem highlighted the postive aspects of his undergraduate education. He even said that he wished to return to that time (a sentiment that I share). There were a number of profound moments in our exchange but one when he stated that he had lost touch with himself over the last twenty years. He paused and returned that he really had never been in touch with himself. He cited the external focuses of his life as the barriers that opposed his own self discovery. So much was said in that brief moment of silence. It showed that Faheem was reflecting what he had just said, evaluated, and corrected the previous statement. He then justified it with specifics. I definitely saw this as an "Ah Ha!" moment.
I found during our initial interaction that I downloaded a great deal during the call. I find Faheem's level of intelligence and self awareness intimidating as I struggle along my own path. I will seek next time to delve more into the questioner and mover of the conversation.
As he reflected upon his past educational experiences, Faheem highlighted the postive aspects of his undergraduate education. He even said that he wished to return to that time (a sentiment that I share). There were a number of profound moments in our exchange but one when he stated that he had lost touch with himself over the last twenty years. He paused and returned that he really had never been in touch with himself. He cited the external focuses of his life as the barriers that opposed his own self discovery. So much was said in that brief moment of silence. It showed that Faheem was reflecting what he had just said, evaluated, and corrected the previous statement. He then justified it with specifics. I definitely saw this as an "Ah Ha!" moment.
I found during our initial interaction that I downloaded a great deal during the call. I find Faheem's level of intelligence and self awareness intimidating as I struggle along my own path. I will seek next time to delve more into the questioner and mover of the conversation.
Week 4 Mary Kate Coaching Me
This week Mary Kate and I focused on the second phase of seeing. Together we made plans for my three conversations. It was extremely useful to have an individual who was knowledgable in the content area of dialogue. She helped prepare me for the experiences ahead.
My first conversation was with my fiance, Steve. I find that I so often do not listen. I vaguely hear what the other person is saying while prepping my rebutal. As Steve began to talk about finances (the bain of my existence!), I tried to let go of my personal agenda. I did not justify or make excuses for my spending. I simply tried to listen to my partner as the individual who I share so many life goals with. His outlook on spending and mine have made this always a volatile topic. I tried... I really tried... but he is just so unreasonable! I understand where he is coming from but his priorities in life are so very different than mine. I just could not let go. We eventually came to a compromise and parted amicably (only to meet again at the end of next month).
My model sharing conversation was with my manager, Nancy. I shared the models of conversation and explaned each field. We both took these notes and put them in our pockets on the back of the employee schedule, which is often utilized throughout the day. This served as a constant reminder of our dialogue goals. She left the shift earlier than me and I was unable to follow up with her progress.
My last conversation was with my brother. Mary Kate and I focused at length upon my focus of this particular dialogue. He and I have not been on good terms for a very long time. I do not understand his lifestyle choices and how one would actually choose the path that he is now on. He has been the source of many tears, shed by those I love, as well as myself. I wanted to have a conversation during which I sought to explore who he was as a person today. I tried to let go of my preconceived notions and past experiences. I attempted to focus on the moment and my goal of have a "real" conversation with my brother. For the most part, he explained his future goals rather than the present situation. Everything he said was driven by his egocentric view of his insular community. It was very difficult to keep my skepticism, disbelief, and anger from rising to the surface. I don't know how I tramped down the urge for sarcasm as he described his future utopia. I realized one thing about my brother through the "dialogue." He is entirely sincere on his future aspirations. He wants to be a good person but his admirable intentions lack follow through. I did not have a mass psychological breakthrough. The light bulb did not shine as I suddenly discovered a reason for his past actions but I have found comfort in this newfound enlightenment. For whatever his faults, he wishes he were otherwise and this is the future he envisions for himself.
My first conversation was with my fiance, Steve. I find that I so often do not listen. I vaguely hear what the other person is saying while prepping my rebutal. As Steve began to talk about finances (the bain of my existence!), I tried to let go of my personal agenda. I did not justify or make excuses for my spending. I simply tried to listen to my partner as the individual who I share so many life goals with. His outlook on spending and mine have made this always a volatile topic. I tried... I really tried... but he is just so unreasonable! I understand where he is coming from but his priorities in life are so very different than mine. I just could not let go. We eventually came to a compromise and parted amicably (only to meet again at the end of next month).
My model sharing conversation was with my manager, Nancy. I shared the models of conversation and explaned each field. We both took these notes and put them in our pockets on the back of the employee schedule, which is often utilized throughout the day. This served as a constant reminder of our dialogue goals. She left the shift earlier than me and I was unable to follow up with her progress.
My last conversation was with my brother. Mary Kate and I focused at length upon my focus of this particular dialogue. He and I have not been on good terms for a very long time. I do not understand his lifestyle choices and how one would actually choose the path that he is now on. He has been the source of many tears, shed by those I love, as well as myself. I wanted to have a conversation during which I sought to explore who he was as a person today. I tried to let go of my preconceived notions and past experiences. I attempted to focus on the moment and my goal of have a "real" conversation with my brother. For the most part, he explained his future goals rather than the present situation. Everything he said was driven by his egocentric view of his insular community. It was very difficult to keep my skepticism, disbelief, and anger from rising to the surface. I don't know how I tramped down the urge for sarcasm as he described his future utopia. I realized one thing about my brother through the "dialogue." He is entirely sincere on his future aspirations. He wants to be a good person but his admirable intentions lack follow through. I did not have a mass psychological breakthrough. The light bulb did not shine as I suddenly discovered a reason for his past actions but I have found comfort in this newfound enlightenment. For whatever his faults, he wishes he were otherwise and this is the future he envisions for himself.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Week 3 MaryKate Coaching Me
Mary Kate and I began our coaching experience with inital pleasantries and introductions. We recalled what we had read about each others' experiences in the first posting and created a positive environment for open and honest communication.
As I began to reflect on my past educational experience, I responded with personal opinions on the positive and negative aspects of both my formal and informal learning. I realized that I had many strong feelings but mostly voiced the negative aspects of my experience. These stood out most in my mind and elicited the strongest reaction. There were many positive experiences that I hold dear from high school but all of these took place out of the classroom. Why did I choose to focus on the negative? I realize now that I view my overall secondary education in a neutral standpoint. I have been taught within the educational department of UMASS Boston that the way I was primarily taught is a concept from the past. Has this "enlightenment" sullied my memory? I believe it has. Trying to focus objectively on the past, I realize that the classroom adequately prepared me for college. However, it played a deciding factor in my learning personality. I have always excelled in the analytical portion of standarized testing. I am excellent at fact patterns. I was the ideal student who was able to download teacher learning and regurigate information. I did not excel at creative thinking and was never comfortable "outside the box." Mary Kate was wonderful as she propelled me to think about my experiences. Now, I believe I understand with a bit more certainty how I was wired to learn and how that effects me today.
As I began to reflect on my past educational experience, I responded with personal opinions on the positive and negative aspects of both my formal and informal learning. I realized that I had many strong feelings but mostly voiced the negative aspects of my experience. These stood out most in my mind and elicited the strongest reaction. There were many positive experiences that I hold dear from high school but all of these took place out of the classroom. Why did I choose to focus on the negative? I realize now that I view my overall secondary education in a neutral standpoint. I have been taught within the educational department of UMASS Boston that the way I was primarily taught is a concept from the past. Has this "enlightenment" sullied my memory? I believe it has. Trying to focus objectively on the past, I realize that the classroom adequately prepared me for college. However, it played a deciding factor in my learning personality. I have always excelled in the analytical portion of standarized testing. I am excellent at fact patterns. I was the ideal student who was able to download teacher learning and regurigate information. I did not excel at creative thinking and was never comfortable "outside the box." Mary Kate was wonderful as she propelled me to think about my experiences. Now, I believe I understand with a bit more certainty how I was wired to learn and how that effects me today.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)